Regression (2 of 3)

This is part 2 of your Regression Tutorial. After watching part 1, you now understand how different parts of yourself interact and how they can make you have a skewed response to here and now situations. Here you will learn how to start making your own “Signals List” so you can spot your subtle (and not so subtle) clues that say “I am regressed!”. Learn to spot these signals BEFORE you make a relationship mess.

Regression (3 of 3)

This is part 3 of your Regression Tutorial. After watching parts 1 and 2, you are now ready to learn Inner Parenting. This tool will change your interactions at home and work. Stay tuned for more education videos. Be sure to sign up for the Jovanna’s Jump Newsletter, so you are the first to hear about the latest videos, events and updates.

The Hyper-Receptive Boundary Problem Style

One of the six boundary problem styles is Hyper-Receptive. When you use Hyper-Receptive you are on overdrive trying to pick up on everyone else’s feelings and needs. Your driving force is to keep everyone happy. There is an anxious undertone to your actions as you hover about providing things for others before they even ask for it. Many people won’t notice of how over-aware you are of them. Others feel oddly uncomfortable you as you try to do things for them.

This is different than someone using The Invisible Boundary Problem Style. Someone using Invisible knows what she wants it ignores her own needs and builds resentment. With Hyper-Receptive, there is no room for you to even stop and think about your own needs. Every part of you is focused on other’s feelings and needs. You feel like there’s a bomb that could go off at any moment if you don’t constantly monitor the situation. Once you are finally alone, you might finally relax a bit but, by then, you are exhausted.

It will be good for you to read the book chapter “The Dance Of Drama” and read the rescuer description. Also, be sure to read the complete chapter on the six boundary problem styles. It is time to get very clear about what you have been doing.

The Intrusive Boundary Problem Style

One of the six boundary problem styles is Intrusive. Now, you and I both know that you are just a lively, assertive, forthright person. But, you’ve been stepping on other people’s feet and don’t even know it. If you don’t learn to see how you come across to others and how to identify other people’s boundary styles, you are going to keep alienating people and creating relationship problems.

Some people love your interactive style, so it can be confusing when you use the exact same style with another person or in a different situation and get negative reactions. When you’re using Intrusive, you are not picking up how your conversational style conflicts with others styles. Some people need a slower pace, longer pauses or quieter responses. You are not picking up on how your physical interactive style conflicts with others styles. Some people need more physical space, less touching or more time alone.

Once in a while, out of the blue, someone blows up at you. She says you have been bullying her, controlling her or overpowering her. You feel blindsided because you had no idea that, for her, there has been an ongoing problem. She never brought it up or at least not in a way that you would know it. She was using “The Invisible Boundary Problem Style”. Yikes! It is important that you learn all six boundary problem styles so you stop falling into these damaging patterns. Read about all six styles here. You might be surprised what you learn about yourself as well.

The Enmeshed Boundary Problem Style

One of the six boundary problem styles is called Enmeshed. When you use the Enmeshed boundary problem style, you are over involved with and over identified with others. Like a chameleon, your identity changes as you eagerly take on your significant other’s needs, dreams and desires. The Enmeshed mantra is “You and I are one – and who we are is YOU!”

Because it’s hard for you to tolerate feeling alone or separate, you feel anxious when there is disagreement. You are the ultimate “yes man”. While some people might find this appealing, others find it annoying.

Your need for constant connection becomes a driving force in your life. Because of this you don’t realize how quickly you change who you are. You feel the pain of others as if it was your own. You are susceptible to diving into The Rescuer Role – trying to fix and save others. Because of this, is very important that you read “The Dance Of Drama” a book chapter on this website. You must stop doing this dance if you want to have healthy long-term relationships.

What you get done reading that book chapter, be sure to read the very detailed chapter on all six of the boundary problem styles. It is important to see how your styles impact your relationships.