Here is The Push-Me Pull-You Dance, one of the Three Most Damaging Relationship Dances. The fear of abandonment is the driving force this dance. I first identified this dance while working with couples to improve their relationship. Whenever we would get on track, one of them would make a move in this dance, and suddenly, his or her partner would fall to pieces.

Because being left is such a primal fear, many people regress or take action without thinking when faced with the threat of abandonment. Once you understand the moves in this dance, you can be free of these highly manipulative, unconscious moves.

(I recommend you PRINT out this long chapter and highlight the behaviors you have used in the past. People who change fastest are those who identify their damaging patterns and review that information three times over a three week period. Go for it! You can stop falling into these dances, if choose to do the work.)

Continue reading →

Here is The Dance of Drama, the #1 most destructive of The Three Most Damaging Relationship Dances. Over-giving, feeling used, being driven by guilt or anxiety, feeling helpless or resentful…these are all signs you have been pulled into this powerful dance.

If you don’t know how people play this dance, you will get sucked in over and over again. Once you see how it works, you will be surprised how easy it is to avoid it. You will stop picking people who use you. Your relationships will becomes balanced, respectful and kind.

(I recommend you PRINT out this long chapter and highlight the behaviors you have used in the past. People who change fastest are those who identify their damaging patterns and review that information three times over a three week period. Go for it! You can stop falling into these dances, if choose to do the work.)

Continue reading →

Every way you interact with others is a boundary style. Some of these ways of interacting create harmony and success. Others create problems. Most people (and please don’t be like most people) have no idea what style they are using or how they come across to others. They just blindly plow ahead. Glad when it works. And clueless when it doesn’t.

Here you will learn The Six Biggest Mistakes. These are The Six Boundary Problem Styles that create upset, pain and frustration. Once you learn to think about boundary styles, you can better choices for your relationship success at home and work, with family, friends and strangers.

(I recommend you PRINT out this long chapter and highlight the behaviors you have used in the past. People who change fastest are those who identify their damaging patterns and review that information three times over a three week period. Go for it! You can stop falling into these dances, if choose to do the work.)

Continue reading →