It’s happened once again. You speak up, and someone interrupts. You come up with an idea, and someone puts you down. You stand in line, and somebody cuts in.
Why are people mean to you?
Have you noticed a trend? Have you ever wondered why this happens to you and not others? If it feels like you have an invisible sign above your head that says “Pick on me”, you might.
You might have a Victim Template. This is an imprint, usually created from an early age, invasive experience, such as surgery, bullying or abuse. The pattern for you to be overwhelmed, used or invaded by others was emotionally, neurologically, and, many would even say, psychically downloaded.
Now, as an adult, it plays out in many of your relationships. When you have a Victim Template it sets you up to be discounted or misused again and again. Here’s how:
1. You are unconsciously drawn to people who are more dominant, self-focused or aggressive. This is because it matches your childhood pattern of powerful/powerless.
2. You allow people to treat you poorly. Instead of speaking up when someone interrupts you, you let him take over. Instead of stopping someone when he gets physical too fast,you stay silent. Your passivity ends up training this person to treat you in ways you don’t like.
3. You are unable to see the signals and clues that would let you know this person will be trouble. Other people, without a Victim Template, see right away that this person would be a bad relationship choice. They notice how he puts other people down. They see that he is unaware of other people’s physical space or feelings. Not you.
4. And last, but not least, you attract people to you who fit your old powerful/powerless pattern. It might be odd to say this, but it is as if everyone has a psychic scanner. Just as you unconsciously are drawn to someone who could be abusive to you, someone who fits that invasive profile is going to feel drawn to you. Much of this has actually been researched and is based on nonverbal body cues: for example – how you stand, your posture, the position of your head and how you move your eyes.
The good news is you are not stuck with the Victim Template for the rest of your life. It’s time for you to clean it up. Find a therapist who works with trauma (even if you don’t think of your past as traumatic) , so you can clean out those old childhood incidents that set up the Victim Template in the first place. Go for it!