The Distant Boundary Problem Style

One of the six boundary problem styles is called Distant. You might not know it, but with your self-contained attitude or non-expressive face, others find you Distant. They think you are aloof, unfriendly or uninterested. If you want more connection with others, you’re going to have to perceive how others see you. Maybe it’s time to open up and do some personal sharing. Or perhaps you need to start being more empathetic and take interest in others.

For some people, using Distant is an old defense developed in childhood to avoid being hurt again. You may even have learned how to disconnect from your feelings. For others, it is merely a cultural difference or personality type.

Whatever the case, if you want deeper intimacy and more personal connection, you need to learn to share more with others. If those close to you complain about you being distant, take a look at why they might be saying that. They might be onto something. Your lack of connection with others might be blocking the experience of deep love and belonging.

You can read the full book chapter on the six boundary problem styles and find a bulleted list describing Distant here.

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